In a sea of child-rearing books available, this true story of one woman's experience inventing a very special preschool is truly something different. It will be of more value to parents and teachers than any stack of how-to books because it illustrates and demonstrates a simple philosophy based on respect for children's ability to take responsibility for their own choices.
When we make a choice and are then allowed to see the immediate result of that choice we eventually "get it" - that our actions are the cause that create the effect. When we understand that we are creating our own consequences, we eventually learn to change our choices so we get the results we prefer.
We have learned life's lessons through our own experiences in one way or another, so why do we feel the need to take that opportunity away from our children?
Following her instincts, Marge Lester describes an approach to discipline in which the adult provides an arena by setting very clear limits, expectations, and consequences. It honors the fact that children have ideas of their own. Within that space, the child enjoys a freedom that allows her to experience autonomy and practice self-regulation. The child controls the domain but does not control the adult.
Marge's memories and anecdotes provide the perfect demonstration of a way of talking with - and listening to - young children. With these skills it is possible to build a relationship based on agreements rather than on power struggles and "discipline". Consequences for broken agreements are not punishment, but occur as a non-emotional, natural result. They are not delivered "by" the adult and are not angry, much as gravity unemotionally governs the learning of walking and bicycle riding.
Often, kids have too much control. We indulge them; second and third chances abound, and we negotiate until the patience wears thin. Then frustration leads to yelling and punishment, with everyone feeling bad. It can be avoided.